Chapter 7: My Experience:
I’ve never been diagnosed with any mental illness, I never got drunk- never did drugs, don’t drink coffee or soda or take pills, I weigh 12 lbs at birth (c-section). I’m a healthy guy, mentally and physically.
I have not seen a doctor because of sickness in about 20 years unless for mandatory job physicals every 2 years where I pass with flying colors every time, as healthy as can be.
As the youngest of 3, we were shuffled to different families when my mom left us to come to the USA in 1988. Even before she left us, I still felt parent less after my father died in 1984 (heart attack) because all she did was work. There was no one to oversee us. With that said I was free as a bird, even as a kid I will travel to the mountains far from home with 1 weapon= slingshot. Kill animals for food, gather spiders, go to the beach, fight with neighborhood kids, etc.
When I came to the USA in April of 1993, everything changed… My free life was taken away from me, now I’m isolated into a small house with only cable television and videogame to entertain me.
So I was extremely depressed during my 1st year in the USA, the adjustment was difficult…
Crying in the middle of the night while laying on the bed around a year after, I heard an extremely deep voice of an elderly man saying ‘I love you…. I love you…. I love you….”
The voice was so clear at first then it got blurry after the next words.
I don’t consider this event ‘miraculous’ because I was half asleep. In fact, I thought it was a ‘delusion’. I consider this evidence ‘inadmissible’ though it’s worth mentioning because of my second encounter with the same voice later on….
It’s now around 1997, 4 years have passed living in the prison of my home. I’m 17yo and my face was covered in acne, I felt so ugly it was embarrassing to go in public. So I did the only thing I thought would help= pray the rosary.
My goal for the prayer was for God to help remove my acnes and look ‘normal’ so I will no longer “feel” suicidal (I was never actually suicidal, I’m not crazy, I love life). So I waited till everybody left and I’m home alone.
There’s a statue of the blessed mother in my mother’s bedroom. She worked in San Francisco that night so I was home alone and went to her room and locked it, then prayed the rosary. Staring at the virgin Mary, i wept and wanted her to feel my pain, my suicidal feelings..
After I finished the mysteries my whole body was engulfed with the identical voice of an elderly man I heard a few years prior. The voice was so deep and he spoke through my chest, I was frozen for a few seconds and ‘He’ said:
“YOU DONT NEED THAT, YOU NEED INNER HEALING”.
I didn’t hear the voice in my ears or my mind, I heard it in my heart, my chest, my entire body was engulfed with the voice but more specifically the vibration is in my heart.
Now looking back while being a cold-hearted guy today, it’s hard to understand why I wasn’t ‘shocked at the time. In fact, my 1st reaction was rebellion.
I wanted my acne healed. I felt suicidal, depressed, and ugly.. I didn’t ask for ‘inner healing’ whatever that may mean because, to be honest, I’m still unsure of what it really means. I just bowed down and continued my prayer until it is finished.
My 2nd reaction is asking why I heard a voice of a man. I was staring at the statue of the blessed mother, I should have heard a woman.
Now I didn’t link this voice to the voice I heard a few years prior until a few days after when I connected the dot and remembered, it was identical.
All the theories put together and I can’t deny it for what it is… I believe the logical conclusion is it was who they call Yahweh; I say so because this goes against my religious upbringing…
The belief is that no one can come to the Father but through Jesus, because if I have to make a physical presentation of the voice i heard it would have to be AT LEAST a 50-year-old powerful man.
The biblical Jesus I know of is around 33 years old, I’m 39yo now and I cant imitate that deep voice.
What i typed here is true and i’ll take it to my grave…
I never heard ‘Him‘ again although I tried repeatedly for many years. I prayed even harder many times than I did at the time of the encounter, I even went to the ‘Prince of Peace Abbey’ monastery in Oceanside California to become a benedictine monk and prayed all day for 10 days, but I never heard Him again…..
And that’s ok, one encounter is enough to prove to me “He” is real.
After that experience, I’m no longer sure if I can discriminate against Muslims the way I was raised in the Philippines…
We hated Muslims, they kidnap people in my town and ask for ransom money (looking back, maybe that was another CIA inside job since I don’t believe the media narrative anymore). My views have changed completely since. I’m still catholic, I still love the rosary, but I’m open to the universal Father…
UPDATE: What ‘IF’ I accepted ‘His’ words instead of rejecting them because I only cared about looking good at that time. Maybe that was a test to see if I’m selfless enough to abandon my desire to look handsome. I’ll probably be taken up to heaven at that moment if I submitted to His words, and if anyone can, I envy them…
Today I’m roaming the earth with fear of failing my mission to do the right thing.
Narrow is the path…..